


see you again

by emeraldaaa



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Death, Demons, Drabbles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Insomnia, Killugon - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pain, Pining, Sad, Sickness, Single Chapter, Suffering, hospital angst, hospital au, insomniac gon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:09:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldaaa/pseuds/emeraldaaa
Summary: Killua meets a very bright-boy named Gon, who has been diagnosed with just simple insomnia(or so he thinks), he always wondered how Gon could shine so brightly in a place as dull as a hospital. Little does he know, Gon is fighting his own demons.They grow a bond,Gon knows it'll break eventually, he knows it's inevitable. Killua only realizes it at the end of it all.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 21
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i cried once writing this
> 
> inspired by in another life, but not really
> 
> i was listening to "aesthetic? more like ass-pathetic" while writing this and thats probably why i cried
> 
> love you all!!!

Killua stared at the clock, tapping his foot impatiently. Gritting his teeth, he tried to shake off the feeling of dread he felt. It was a hospital, of course he would feel this way. He's never been this close to people approaching death, either they're already dead or completely alive. It's not like his family exactly lets him roam freely outside of their mansion, hell- this hospital itself is a private one. Looking away from the clock, he's suddenly aware of another presence entering the room, he's not particularly interested at first, but he slowly grows more conscious of the fact that this person is staring at _him_. Shifting his weight and fiddling with his fingers, he hopes it comes across as clear that he's not comfortable with the atmosphere in this room. The creeping feeling doesn't go away. _This person must not be very observant_ , he thought to himself. Reluctantly looking up at the mystery person, he expects to be able to look at them in distaste, but he couldn't.

Standing there in front of him was a boy, probably similar in age to him, with black(soft, yet spiky) hair and small green highlights. His skin was quite tan in comparison to Killua's smooth pale skin, and his honey-colored eyes were shining brightly. Overall, his aura seemed very...genuine, which isn't something Killua was used to. Furrowing his brows, he clicked his tongue. 

"Is there a reason you're looking at me?" Killua said slowly, hoping his tone didn't come off as rude. He was just genuinely curious at this point, the uncomfortable ambience from before had faded away. The boy blinked, snapping his head up a little higher. Showing off a toothy-grin, he replied,

"Oh, it's just- this hospital doesn't get many visitors, since it's only for like...really elite people and all." Was he looking down on Killua? As if he didn't expect him to be "elite"? Opening his mouth to let out a snarky response, the strange boy suddenly seemed aware of how his sentence had been interpreted, then quickly corrected it, "Uh-- _not_ that you _don't_ give off that vibe of being, y'know, higher-class or whatever...just wondering why you were here because we look about the same age."

Killua scoffed(in a playful manner), "What's **your** excuse for being here, because you certainly _don't_ act like you're living a luxurious life." Tilting his head, the boy sighed, giving a small laugh in reply.

"My dad is Ging Freecss, the man who created this hospital in the first place," stopping for a second, as if he was searching Killua's face for a reaction, he then continued, "and I guess being his son gives you privileges or something?" He ended the sentence as if the act of giving special treatment to the son of the founder sounded ridiculous. 

Letting out a breath, Killua cocked his head back. "So, why are you _in_ here? Even if you _are_ his son, wouldn't you rather be outside?" He was rather hesitant about asking the question, wondering if it was something that hit close to home, but the black and green haired boy didn't look offended, nor did he seem to have anything near a negative reaction. Infact, he looked quite thoughtful, as if he was putting together how he would answer Killua's question carefully. Finally looking back at the white-haired boy, he pointed to the space under his eyes, where there were faint bags.

"Oh, well, I've been diagnosed with insomnia!" he replied, sounding unusually cheerful for a boy who's been diagnosed with...no sleep? Killua racked his head, he hadn't been paying attention to his science teacher when she went over body systems and all that boring junk. Noticing the confusion on Killua's face, the boy explained even further. "Chronic insomnia, I've been having trouble sleeping for pretty long periods of time now and when I do sleep, it's never smooth sailing." Even chuckling about his own misfortune, the boy's eyes never lost their sparkle. He was sort of an enigma to Killua. Hearing footsteps from the hallway leading into the room they were in, Killua peaked over the insomniac's shoulder. It was Alluka, his family had finally picked up her up from her therapy session, which she absolutely did not need. They were just terribly unaccepting of her decisions. Tsking, he looked back at the boy.

"My family is back, I'm going to have to leave now," he said hurriedly, not exactly happy to be leaving the conversation, but not eager to stay either. The boy nodded in an understanding manner, then moved back for Killua to stand up from his chair. Stepping toward his _sister_ , Killua waved a goodbye. Seeing his mother already at the door, he sighed, exasperated. The boy said one last thing before Killua left.

"Oh, by the way, the name's Gon! I'm 16," Killua could practically hear the smile in the bo- _Gon's_ voice. Maybe he would come with his sister to her hospital trips more often. Intrigued at the idea of starting up another conversation with Gon, he smiled internally.

But on the outside,

"Killua, same age," he called out unenthusiastically. Hands in his pockets, he followed his mother and sister outside to their car. 

Kikyo hummed during the car ride, which sort-of annoyed Killua. He would probably have called her out on it before, but talking with Gon and keeping up with his speed in conversation had drained the energy from him. They didn't even talk that much, Killua was just an introvert. Yet, dealing with Gon didn't seem like the end of the world to him. Huffing, he faced the car window, gazing at the trees that seemed to blur as they drove.

-

The second time he visited the hospital, Killua wasn't as pessimistic, he didn't protest. This seemed to spark a feeling of joy in Kikyo, but Killua didn't mind, since Alluka seemed to be humming peacefully that day too.

Arriving at the Hunter Hospital, he followed Kikyo and Alluka, then plopped down on the waiting chair near the therapy room where Alluka was ushered into. Waiting silently for something to happen, maybe a person(Gon) to walk in, Killua patiently stared at the clock. Maybe he wasn't coming today, after all Killua didn't inform him of another visit...that's right, he didn't guarantee anything. It's been a full week since their interaction occurred, so it was highly plausible that Gon forgot about him. Slumping in his chair, Killua sighed. Without company, it was quite boring-

"Ooh! You're here today??? Killua, right?" a familiar voice greeted him loudly, startling him. Noticing Killua's shock, the culprit of the sudden scare began laughing. Killua scowled, moving his head to look at the boy. He suspected it was Gon, but it was like seeing him for the first time anyways. He was laughing, hands over his stomach. Killua scanned Gon, then realized there was another person behind him. The person behind Gon jumped out, but wasn't as social as the black haired boy. They scanned each other warily, before Gon tsked. 

"You guys look like an awkward couple meeting for the first time, ew," Gon spat out, squinting at the two of them playfully. 

"That's ridiculous, I don't even know his name," Killua replied coolly, eyeing the tanned boy behind Gon skeptically.

"Oh, his name is Zushi," Gon replied, as if he didn't just embarrass the hell out of the boy next to him. Zushi's mouth was hanging open, a slight pink dusted his cheeks. He wasn't Killua's type, with his buzz cut and all.

"Gon, you know I'm straight, gosh dammit," Zushi finally spoke, clearing his throat. Gon rolled his eyes, grinning.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Gon replied evenly, the grin never slipping from his face. The tension in the air lifted a bit, letting Killua's shoulders relax slightly. "Also, Killua, do you have a phone?" Gon asked, running over to the empty counter in the corner. Picking out a paper and a pencil, Gon looked at Killua expectantly. Killua nodded his head, while Gon gave him a warm smile in return, scribbling something down on the piece of paper. Stepping towards Killua, he handed the paper over.

[my phone number and room number!!! so we don't miss each other when u come :)))]  
room: 255  
number: _***-***-****_

Folding the paper to tuck it in his pocket, Killua said a quick thanks, saying something along the lines of promising to text him later. He doesn't remember his words exactly, instead focusing on the warm feeling in his chest. It was nice, knowing that he had someone to talk to when he was lonely, without the depressing atmosphere of spilling his problems out to someone in person. Not that he already trusted Gon enough for that, but it was a possibility.

-

After getting home, Killua locked himself in his room. Usually he would interact with Alluka, but their family had set a rule that was uncalled for. Since her therapy sessions began, they weren't allowed to go into her room for about an hour after her sessions ended. It's not like anyone except Killua visited her anyway, so this rule was directed at him most likely. Wondering what to do, he remembered the paper in his pocket. Reaching for his phone next to his bed, he opened up contacts. Eyes moving from the paper and the phone, Killua quickly typed Gon's information in, itching for something to do, or someone to talk to. Saving the number, he contemplated on how to start a conversation.

**[Killua to Gon]**

**Killua** : hey this is killua 

**Gon** : OH HEY!!!

Killua laid down on his bed, dumbfounded at how Gon's extroverted personality could radiate through the phone.

 **Killua** : soo....

 **Gon** : did you know frogs dont have to drink water cuz their skin absorbs it for them ??

 **Killua** : oh- i- reaLLY?

 **Gon** : yes AND herpetology is the study of reptiles and amphibians!! i would totally become a herpetologist cuz nature and stuff and ya

 **Killua** : FJDSKA herpes

 **Gon** : GAGADS STOP

Killua let the corners of his mouth twitch upwards slightly. It was surprisingly easy to slip into a conversation with Gon, both in text and real life. He could get used to this. Moving in a more comfortable position on the bed, the two boys continued to text back and forth, sharing quite a few laughs here and there. 

A timer went off, startling Killua as he was about to reply to another one of Gon's messages. An hour had passed, and it was time to see Alluka. Sighing, he reluctantly excused himself, saying that he had to go. Gon replied with a quick "okay!! bye :)" and Killua closed out of the app. Standing up, he stretched. Exhaling, he exited his room and began making his way through the hallways stealthily, hoping not to cross paths with anyone. 

Entering Alluka's room, Killua gave her a big, warm hug from behind. They began talking immediately, laughing together. Their talks reminded Killua of his conversations with Gon, light-hearted and sweet. No evil intent behind any of it, just genuine discussions. Still thinking about the somewhat mysterious boy, he hadn't even realized the conversation somehow shifted to talking ABOUT him. Killua was just babbling about how it was nice to have someone new to talk to, and Alluka was just listening, with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. Aware of what he was saying, Killua flushed. In his mind, it was purely platonic, and he truly didn't have any romantic feelings toward the bright boy. _It wouldn't be bad if he did though_. Pushing that thought to the back of his head, he internally hissed at himself. They've only met twice, any romantic feelings were probably just him mixing up his feelings. After all-- he hasn't had a normal interaction with someone his age for a while now(until Gon that is).

Shutting himself up, he urged Alluka to vent about her feelings to him. They would always joke about how Killua was a better therapist than any that Alluka's been to. But, instead, she began talking about how her therapist was great and how she felt comfortable in the hospital room all the time. Killua guessed that the "elite hospital" would have to have good therapists at the very least. He listened to Alluka, agreeing with her sometimes, then other times making jokes. It was sweet, but then Killua had to go back to his room, since one of his butlers were looking for him.

-

The third time Killua visited Gon, he went to his room instead of the waiting area. He was greeted with a sight of Gon doing-- acrobatics?! Sharply inhaling, he stared in awe. It wasn't that special, since Killua had physical talents of his own, but he never expected a sick person like Gon to be able to these feats. Except, Gon didn't act sick in general. The only signs of sickness were the bags under his eyes that would become more visible every visit. Despite that, if you just glanced at Gon, you would expect that he was a visitor instead of a patient. Realizing he was staring, he shook his head, lending a smile to Gon instead.

-

As months would pass, their texts would turn into calls, facetimes-- each virtual interaction would last for hours, and everytime they met in real life, they spent the whole time together until Killua would have to leave again. They grew unbelievably close, sharing secrets, inside jokes, promises, a lot of things. But, with each passing day, Killua would also have to experience Gon's condition getting worse. He never thought about whether Gon would die or not, because he wouldn't, he wouldn't leave Killua. It was one of the promises they made to eachother, Gon would do his best to get better, comply with the nurses and doctors, so that they could be friends outside of the hospital too.

-

Gon was in his bed, thinking about...things. His room was boring. It was empty, nothing fun to do, nothing good to look at. He would spend time on the internet when he was alone, but as the days passed, he grew increasingly bored of it. The highlights of the week were when he was able to talk to his friends. Zushi, Kurapika...Killua. Even his doctor, Leorio. The small moments he was able to share with each of them meant the world to him, because he knew. He knew he wouldn't be able to get better. He made that promise with Killua anyways, hoping to clear the depressing tension in the air. It had worked, they had gone back to joking around like nothing happened. He had been losing weight, losing his appetite, losing his will to keep fighting. It was easy to put on a mask for his friends, pretend like nothing was happening. After all, insomnia isn't that serious...

-

_The two boys were sitting on Gon's hospital bed, talking about what was going on in their life. Gon was content with what was happening at that moment, in fact there wasn't really a moment where he wasn't content with Killua. The conversation had shifted from daily activities to Gon's insomnia though, and Gon wasn't sure if he was too comfortable with that. He didn't like thinking about it, but who would? Killua said he had done some research on chronic insomnia, which Gon wasn't too happy about, but his smile never faltered._

_"It's not really common, but it's still possible to die from it," Killua informed him, a frown displayed on his face. Gon knew this, but he raised his eyebrows anyways, faking his curiosity. He didn't want to know more, he didn't want to be reminded that he could die from it. His case was more serious since he was always physically active, draining his energy quicker, but it controlled high blood pressure. Even though it did, heart attacks were never out of reach. It scared Gon, but he put on a brave face for everyone he knew. Killua squinted at Gon, then sighed. "It seems you're not that worried, but still, promise me something." Gon wanted to express his dislike of what was to come next, to say that he can't stop death. He knew that's what Killua was going to ask. Instead, he nodded._

_"Promise me you won't die on me," Killua said, face completely serious. Gon understood he wanted a sense of reassurance, but he couldn't give it to him. At least not without lying. But, a lie or two never hurt anyone._

_"Promise!" He gave Killua a big smile, one that felt too fake to be on his face. He wanted to vomit, he didn't want to lie to Killua. He couldn't predict the future, he was scared for his own life. The least he could do was tell the truth, to tell him that it might not be okay, but he'll try his best. But no, he made a promise that he didn't even know if he could keep or not. Killua seemed to accept this answer, and visibly relaxed. Guilt ate at Gon the rest of the day._

He wished he could sleep. Without jerking awake every 2 minutes. 

He wished the demons in his head would go away.

He wished he could have peace in quiet, internally.

He wished he could have the strength to write about all his feelings to his friends. Maybe he could. He pulled out five papers, one pencil. He folded them the way you would fold a birthday card. He hesitantly moved the pencil across the paper, spilling his feelings all at once. He contemplated whether to ever give it to them though.

He didn't want them to feel bad.

He didn't want to burden them with his feelings.

Actually, Gon had been diagnosed with depression a long time ago(before his insomnia; the cause of it), and it wasn't like a lot of people would stereotype it as. He wasn't emo, he didn't cry ever minute of the day, he didn't have a connection to dark colors. Instead, he only felt increasingly bored, losing interests in things he would usually be intrigued in doing/seeing. It wasn't like that with people, he always wanted to talk to someone, always wanted to get his mind off things. Socializing was one thing Gon could use to escape from reality. 

The voices in his head would run away when he was with someone that he enjoyed being with. That's why he made such an effort to talk to people when he could. 

-

Killua stared at Gon, worried. He was just laying there, staring at the ceiling. Unmoving. He could see the calm rising and falling of his chest, so he wasn't dead. Of course he wasn't, he said he wouldn't die. 

"Gon?" Killua spoke up cautiously. Gon took a second to react, realizing someone was in the room. He lazily smiled when turning to face Killua, making his chest tighten. It was a melancholy feeling, but he smiled in response. That visit, they didn't do much. They made small talk, then sat in silence. It was comforting, but also scary. Killua usually liked silence, he liked peace and quiet. But, it was weird with Gon. Sighing, he got a text that Alluka was done, then he said his goodbyes to Gon hesitantly, lingering in the room longer than he needed to.

-

They were holding hands, it didn't mean much. They were only holding hands to stabilize Gon's balance, as he wanted to try moving around again. He sat up abnormally slowly. Killua was patient though, Gon was able to stand up in complete silence, his eyes looked pained for some reason. He let go of Gon's hands slowly, then backing up. Gon stood still, lips pursed. What was wrong? Then it happened. He began to wobble, before collapsing, inhaling sharply, trying to get breaths out. He broke out in cold sweat. Killua just stood there in shock, unsure of what to do. Snapping out of it, Killua rushed to his side, but his voice was stuck in his throat. He couldn't yell for help, he just watched Gon gradually become still and helpless. He hauled Gon back to the bed, trying to say something, trying to yell for a doctor.

-

"He died from a heart attack."

-

Killua was locked in his room, staring at the wall. Rethinking everything. Reminiscing the memories with Gon. He didn't want to think about Gon, his chest tightened again. He coughed. Tears welled up in his eyes, the tears that he kept in all this time. 

Gon broke his promise.

Gon left him.

Killua was being selfish, he didn't want to blame himself.

It was his fault though.

None of this was Gon's fault.

-

After the funeral, Gon's...aunt(?) called for him. He made his way next to her, but he wasn't alone. There was the doctor, and a blonde haired female(?). Then there was Zushi. Gon's aunt smiled at each of them in a sickeningly sweet way, or maybe that was just his mind. It was actually very similar to Gon's smile, bright and kind. Which is why it made Killua feel sick. 

"Gon wrote letters for all of you," her voice trembled, contradicting the soft smile on her face. "I guess he knew he would die and wrote these in advance..." Killua worked hard to keep a scowl from finding its way onto his face. Why did he promise Killua that he wouldn't die if he knew? He knew all this time.

-

He was with Alluka when he opened the letter.

_Hi Killua !!_

_If you're reading this, I assume I'm...dead? Haha, it's weird to think about it. I'm really tired right now, but I hope you're doing great! I'm sorry I broke my promise in advance, because that's the reason you have this letter, or maybe I got better! Maybe you'll never see this. If that's the case, I'm writing this for nothing-- or not. Maybe I just needed to vent my feelings, maybe that's why I'm writing this. I couldn't die living a lie in your memories._

_For starters, you're really cool, so heads up none of these feelings are because of you. except the last one- wink wonk_

_i've been hiding a lot of things from you  
i'm not  
happy_

_all the time at least  
when im with you im pretty happy :D_

_i'm not oblivious about my sickness  
i know i'll die  
again, that's why you have this letter_

_i mean i WAS naive_

_i never thought something like this would happen to me  
never thought i would die so early_

_i wanted to become a herpetologist remember?  
i wanted to go to college  
learn about new things  
explore_

_so do these things for me okay?  
you should continue living your life  
forget about me  
don't waste time being sad because of me_

_this is so cliche haha  
im crying eek so cringey awaahah_

_i mean of course, i would love to be in your memories  
love to be a part of your life  
but im not  
not alive  
anymore  
right?_

_again, you might never see this letter  
i hope you dont  
this is embarrassing, just me spilling my feelings  
but yeah  
don't  
don't go off and get sick like me  
dont die because of me_

_but i probably wasn't that important to you  
not important enough where you would waste your life for me  
that'd be dumb  
maybe i hoped i _was_ that important to you though_

_i love you_

_-gon :)_

He cried a lot that night. 

-

It's been years since that incident, Killua did his best to move on, like Gon asked him to. He was in the highest point of his life now, he had an amazing job, he's explored a lot of countries, states, cities. He even found a love.

He hoped Gon was watching him, was proud. 

One night, he was just thinking. He subconsciously pulled out a piece of paper, and began writing.

_hey Gon,_

_sorry for the late response. i mean it's REALLY late. like it's been 8 years, haha_

_i did it. i went and grew up  
i went and found a love  
a job  
i explored the world like you asked  
i explored it for you  
so i hope you're happy  
i hope you're living a good life in heaven  
i hope you're getting good sleep up there  
i hope you have no more worries  
i hope you made a lot of friends there  
i know you would  
you're charming like that :)_

_my lucky number is 255, did you know?  
it's been my lucky number ever since we became friends  
it was your hospital room number_

_i loved you too  
you know i have one wish  
something in return for fulfilling yours  
all i really want_

_is to see you again_

_-killua_

He laughed at himself, why was he writing something like this? It's not like he's there to respond. He didn't cry this time, but his heart throbbed. He took deep breaths, just sitting there with the note in his hand. 

He hoped Gon would wait for him in heaven, even after 70 years. After he dies of old age, he just wants to see Gon again.

-


	2. extras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two drabbles that happened over their month of being friends  
> to bandage ur fragile hearts because im sorry

-  
_jan ken pon (ready? rock, paper, scissors, pop!)_

Killua snickered as Gon whined about losing rock paper scissors for the third time in a row. His honey colored eyes were slightly lidded, lips in a pout. His somewhat strained voice was cute; endearing even. He looked away from Gon, wanting to smother these thoughts as quickly as possible. Shaking his head, Gon suddenly raised an eyebrow.

"Are you okay Killua~?" Gon dragged out the last syllable of his name in a coy manner, making Killua snap out of his little trance, just to fall in another one. Bringing his hands to his face, he slapped his cheeks before looking at Gon with what he hoped to be a believable smile, as he reassured him. Their eyes were locked for longer than necessary, but eventually Gon backed down, letting out another breath of air before getting back to their game. 

"Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT!" Gon projected his voice, startling Killua. He suddenly forgot what he was about to put out and then threw in three fingers instead of all five. Gon stared at their hands for a second, before bursting out in laughter. Killua couldn't help but join in. He also couldn't help but think to himself,

_This is fun._

-

_bad movies_

Killua stared at the screen, lips pursed. He glanced at Gon, finding a similar expression in his face, except he seemed to be holding back laughter more than anything else. Which was reasonable, the amount of logic put into this movie was close to zero, so he could find how it was funny. He observed Gon a little longer, eyes looking over his silently shaking shoulders, how hard he's trying to keep his eyes from spilling out tears of laughter. Suddenly Killua couldn't keep it in any longer, and burst into a fit of laughter, surprising Gon, but soon he unclasped his hands over his mouth and joined Killua, they were now both rolling on the ground, no longer hearing the actor and actress on the screen talk. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for your support on my other fics!! especially the singing soulmate au one :)
> 
> your comments and kudos really motivate me,  
> also the next chapter isnt a continuation, this is a one shot  
> BUT it's just gonna be a few drabbles regarding this story of the visits that happened in the months that weren't mentioned
> 
> also my longest fic owo


End file.
